I once read that most identities are carved out of social antagonism. But when putting it into practice, I really can’t believe that’s the way things work. I am appalled at the psychological projection, the racism, and the sexism that I have witnessed in the five plus years I have known Eric and his acquaintances from Houston. Mostly I overlook a lot in the name of positive thinking and always looking at the silver lining. But I have witnessed people using social media not as a social network, but as a way of antagonizing others—not just strangers trolling on public forums, but people who actually know each other in real life throwing away real life friendships for a sense of ego, control, and general smallness. I am not talking of the “smallness” as it relates to The God of Small Things, but smallness in the sense of pettiness, triviality, and shamefulness. I admit to being hated by people whom I went out on a limb and called friends, all because I had the courage and righteousness to speak out against my own antagonism. I was met with the taunts and cries of “self importance,” an insult that assumes in the accused an insignificance and worthlessness akin to, most certainly, what the accuser feels for him or herself. What do you think marriage to a man is, an outright hatred of women? You’re mistaken. In my eight years of schooling with the so-called Second Sex I have learned that men are absolutely in no way different from women at their core, with the exception being that women by nature work harder, think harder, worry more, bear and nurture children. The differences and the default are that women have become the primary caregivers, breadwinners, and everything in between. It is backward and wrong to assume that we are, any of us, weak, or that we should be, or to subject us to objectification or scrutiny that is undesired and unwarranted. I thought previously that the era of underestimating women had been dead and buried in the 1950’s, pre-women’s lib. Apparently there is an entire subset of society that did not get that memo. But I digress.
All things male and female, great and small, black and white, queer and straight: true friendship is the rarest thing and not worth sacrificing for superficial or false connections with those who are emotionally handicapped from connecting. Admit that some things are not meant to be. In the words of a former nemesis, “Take care of your sh*t.” That is, your emotional and mental problems and your utter lack of social education. We all come from something ugly and or beautiful; at some point, to move forward, you have to choose the beauty over the ugliness. Heal. Understand that the universe is wide open and your Creator loves you. Devote your life to that reality. Don’t meddle with any of the rest.
Erika hZ
