Content warning:
Mention of abuse, grooming, and lack of safety
. . .
What they are doing to you by tucking you into their life, collecting you like a menagerie item, being abusive, and then abandoning you in your highs and lows, expecting you to still love them is called grooming. Abusers use it every opportunity they can, and they excuse it by saying you are at fault. To an abuser, you, not they, are always at fault. Much like narcissists, they will use their perceived—perceived—power over you to obscure this fact from you as long as they can; any way they can; they will use smooth words, human touch, sex, and money to increase the chance of you feeling vulnerable. I emphasize “perceived” because abusers will only sink their teeth into what they see as vulnerable and permissible. Once you reveal to your abuser(s) your true self worth, they will step back, uncertain of how to proceed. The persistent ones continue to beg and appear to need you. In some ways, this is true: they need people around them to cushion them from their own inner selves, which need much healing. But the opposite, that what they need is introspection, the serious kind, is the greater truth. Make a decision to separate yourself and move forward with that decision, carefully and thoughtfully. Consult your higher power, best friend, parent, relative, therapist, or anyone safe.
Looking back, what I wished there were more of were “safe space” stickers on doors for all people, not just the LGBT community, at my school. Maybe then more of us who were less concerned with identity and more concerned with survival would have come forward with more truth, and would have been able to have had happier lives sooner.
Be well, my friends.
