If you do nothing for God, God will do nothing for you. And yet there is Christ. The worst of us will turn to blaming others, shutting out even the oldest of friends and family. I have witnessed this, and though its intentions are to inflict pain, a little life experience and wisdom go a long way in building a thick enough skin to ignore it. Goodness. I ignore all kinds of ugly intentions toward me, daily. I remember having a conversation with Feldman about whether life gets better or worse. Markedly, decidedly, it gets better. Significantly. Feelings are felt more deeply and authentically, letting go and forming attachments becomes easier and less risky. Of course you have to let go of foolish notions, like that the answers lie in a bottle of pills, a diagnosis, or in allowing oneself to play victim indefinitely.
I remember this quote by Anaïs Nin that went something like “And so the energy it took to remain closed tightly in a bud became greater than that which it took to blossom.” Actually, I think I think this subconsciously all the time, especially in moments of transition, loss, or change. The problem, or rather, the burden, of being a hardworking person is that you feel the need constantly to fix everything; fix people, fix interactions, fix your own life, and that in itself is exhausting and really* so consuming* that it will cause you, caused me, to forget that I had an entire life to create. It’s vicious to think of others before yourself. Even Mother Teresa had to come to certain serious and real conclusions and understandings about herself before devoting her life to God and the poor. Very few people are who they are by accident. And without the time for introspection and conscious self-meditation, it can feel like there is no room for what you want. This explains my college experience in a nutshell. I’m sad it took so long to figure that out for myself (without others’ input) but I’m glad I eventually did.
Why is Lil Nas X making Satan Shoes? How can that benefit even himself? He puts the “Lil” in Lil Nas X. For real, though. He must be a real smol boy.
I’m not suggesting to get thee to a nunnery, but read your Bible a little better. Satan fell because he betrayed God. He became the king of darkness. Skeptics and cynics will laugh in the face of this, but only because they don’t understand, and don’t know even a fraction of the suffering that is in store for those who live their lives in disrespect of Christ. Align yourself with righteousness and meditate on it, and you will not fail in any regard: the right people and the right things will be attracted to you, for whatever your path is.
Whatever is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, if anything is excellent or praiseworthy, think about these things. Phillipians 4:8.
Erika
