I wanted to take some time to acknowledge a little bit of the negativity I experienced at a so-called upper-tier college, leading up to my admission and long after my graduation. Why? Because I believe it is only through acknowledging our own past ignorance that we can grow as individuals.
First off, I am confident in most of my decisions. Some might say I was overconfident. I think in retrospect that’s entirely possible. So I was confident in my decision to apply to and attend Wellesley College, famed and historical educational institution for young women, and now for women who don’t even necessarily binarily identify as women. It used to be a finishing school, largely, boasting home economics classes and workshops and essentially grooming women of age for a life of marriage, child rearing, and the occasional socially lubricating art of intelligent conversation. So, I don’t know if I’m right to say this, and I may get a lot of hatred for this opinion, but I don’t think Wellesley has changed as much as people think it has. The influx of personalities has shifted, but many intelligent women still essentially want the same thing: to settle the f down. Make babies. Live a nice life of service to their families and communities. Feminism happened, so now women want equality which boils down, largely to valuation and money. Fair enough. But all that in addition to being mommies and dog mommies and still trying to get beauty sleep and have “me” time and by God, Wellesley sisters, there are only so many hours in the day! It has occurred to
me recently that I am going to have to make some really difficult decisions come time to have baby, if it’s in the cards for us (please please! We want Baby Haines v 2.0) like when to quit a job, whether to even start a new gig or not if I am pregnant, how much to work and when to start up again when another human appears, etcetera. I am not alone in this. All women have to make these decisions in their careers. I am lucky enough to build my own schedule by and large, so it may be more manipulable than for others. I digress.
Wellesley was a good decision? Question mark because I live in Texas. So pretty much all the political ideals I was inculcated with are virtually moot. If I meet liberals, they’re fiscally conservative, if I meet liberals, they’re racist or sexist or ____. It’s giving me a twitch in my eye. I love conservatives! They have this unshakeable pride in their country which is endearing and they do charming things like asking for iced tea instead of wine or beer with a meal. Precious! I can say this because I’ve recently cut back on drinking along with my partner and we are well!
So where does “women who will” really take me once I leave those alabaster Hogwartsian halls? It gets me out of bed in the morning, some days. Other days I realize what a dichotomizing view it presents to my immediate surroundings. But, Erika! You’re the rebel! The rogue! Nonconformity was YOUR M.O.! I hear you. I still don’t conform. But as I get older I realize...I have to get along with the world in which I live! It really doesn’t help me to be all in my head when people are all around me that may need my services. So I guess you could say I’m “woke.” Women Who Will Get Woke. That’s the hope I have in my degree. The pay may be nice, but the finer things in life, they are priceless and what’s really worth working for. And the freedom I now feel to leave a preposition at the end of my sentence! Zing.
Enough people who you imagine care about you will say things like “Find your planet” even when you’ve thought you already had found it...well, guess I was wrong there! I saw people transfering out in our first year, dropping like flies, and it never occurred to me—I can do that! Wellesley was a playground but always felt like a massive waste of time. I did almost no growing as an individual in that environment, and what’s worse is I think I gave people false hopes in me. I guess I can’t be held responsible for other people’s thoughts of me, though. What I would tell Wellesley women now is that one day you’ll be out of there and all you’ll have is YOU! That’s almost a comfort. It took me a decade and a terminal Master’s degree to realize I know only what I already knew before I ever began that Wellesley journey. Or I guess, I know what I knew all along.
Love is the most important thing of all. It is God’s message to us, and the road of
Love is not always easy, but it must always be chosen. Know thyself. Be true to it. Don’t take things too seriously. Belong to one another. All of this will reveal itself to be true one day, no matter who you are or where you went to school.
I say so confidently.
Erika
