It feels like my college friends all grew up into worse versions of themselves and I grew into someone completely different as well. I’m learning how to deal with that. I don’t even recognize them anymore. My family has been really hard on me and put a lot of pressure on me to live my life a particular way. So I’m not even sure if I’m totally happy RN. I know one thing. I’m really tired of being criticized all the time! I don’t even know who I am anymore!! These used to be things I reserved for Eric. I don’t know why I’m writing them here. It seems I’m in control, but if I am, I could have done things differently over the years to make myself happier. I just miss being loved so deeply it hurt.
The only thing I can do sometimes is laugh at myself. LOL
The world is a bizarre place. I can’t pretend I understand it much more than I did yesterday.
