I’ve reached 1,010 books listed on goodreads! I want to throw a party! All this willful dishonesty is driving me cray cray and I just wanna kick back on the grass and throw back a few in honor of my old Swelles buddies.
Life is painful and terrible but amongst it all we are each blossoming and thriving.
I can venture to say I use my phone more than my laptop.
I can also venture to say that I will probably never become regular penpals with any of my exes like Virginia Woolf or Anais Nin.
Irony is your Wellesley friends slumming it in odd jobs like they are poor or come from poverty.
Metaphors are the thoughts you have when you eat a hotdog after watching Elvira.
Beauty is speaking Portuguese regularly with your 94 year old Vovie for the first time in 35 years and her giving you her cookbook.
I am the chosen one. I am become Life the destroyer of false Gods.
I’m only kidding.
Goats are probably my least favorite farm animal. But I love goats milk so explain this!
I have yet to meet a man who is not fearful of what a woman truly is.
Eric is 6’4” so you actually can’t tell with him.
I am considering a career in standup because of a recent flashback to eighth grade superlatives (Most Humorous).
I am pretty sure my father’s family do not actually like anyone, but it’s also been a while since I’ve seen them.
My mother is this warrior who just survived her third cancer surgery in ten years. It does not always come back.
I always thought when my family had a really nice pool I’d have 100 friends to invite over. Instead there is a pandemic and I can’t find my friends even online. This and I have a Master’s degree. I want my money back!!
Clearly I am uneducated and inept. If you’re here to offer me anything honorary, like a PhD, please advise: there is zero likelihood of me ever becoming successful beyond the blogosphere, occasional Facebook grammar corrections upon strangers, that crash and burn zombie movie Tina wanted to put me in, or, again, the eighth grade (my most successful and intelligent year in singing, theatre arts, mathematics, English, applying to prep schools, dating the underachieving, et al).
Now please does anyone remember MTV’s Singled Out? Because clearly you need to. My sister gets rejected by the one guy in one episode and he ends up finding her after filming and they go out for like three weeks! True story! But what was his name??
EDIT:: His name was Joey and he and my sister are still facebook friends and they actually dated for months not weeks, so BOO YA SINGLED OUT! LOLOLOL
I think I’ll go to sleep now and dream about breakfast unless of course I sneak into the kitchen because what else is being human for?
Erika
