I am so confused! I do not know if I want children! Other people’s children drive me nuts! I don’t know if I’ve found the right person! Love is never perfect! I cannot stand watching people MY AGE have kids and their kids do well and succeed. Even if they are very bright. I’m so scared and I also don’t care to do it. Everyone with kids seems so unfulfilled and unhappy. I just feel like she was right that my life is full. I’ve found my interests. I’ve found my friends. Because of them I have no pride in my lifestyle! It doesn’t matter because I haven’t seem them in TEN YEARS! I don’t want to be on autopilot. My creativity suffers in the suburbs, with or without kids. I’ve been alone before, but this is just heartless and cruel. My mother thinks if I disconnect from such disappointing people, I’ll be happier. But I’ve already eliminated the competition. And I still sometimes talk to them like they’re here. Because I was generally better and they always acted like they felt sorry for me, and it made no sense. I don’t know what to do with all the memories. Guess I’ll bury them away so they can take a dirt nap, so I can go on and live a happy life. I’ll bury them below my roses so the hatred can die and love can grow. Just don’t show up at my door all these years later acting like we owe each other anything. You were the ones who taught me I “owe no one anything.”
Erika
