I get so scared sometimes. The fear can be overwhelming. I don’t always know how to deal with it and honestly I think I could cry sometimes, and sometimes I do. Why is everything about internalizing pain and then putting on a face, internalizing pain, and then putting on a face, over and over and over again. And then if you have something to say about it, or if it just needs to come out, you’re the problem, the one to be avoided. I can’t always take the pressure. And having to remain happy and positive to appease someone else is so much work. And then nobody from my past appears and I feel alone in fighting off my demons. I am stronger. And maybe happier. But not totally fulfilled and not totally at peace. I am not an ingrate. I may have been in the past but I’m not now. Maybe people don’t like me because they think I’m too fat.
